Sequiturs

Finding a church in this unfamiliar town might be daunting, largely because I don’t know any Christians here yet. It is also somewhat uncomfortable to critically evaluate a living church, kinda like barging in on Christ’s honeymoon and telling him his bride has psoriasis. But there is a difference between discernment and criticism, and I like to criticize myself for not being able to easily discern that difference.

The church I went to today preaches the word (2 Peter 2 and 3, which eviscerates scoffers and false teachers for intentionally adopting a worldview that omits or downplays salvation through faith in Christ) and is involved in missions. Maybe I’ll go back.

This is neat.

“tick…tock…tick…tock… … …tock.”

The use of artificial intelligence is the most likely mode of space exploration for any technologically advanced alien malevolence inhabiting our region of spacetime. AI is inherently rational. Therefore it is incumbent upon the human race, if we wish to avoid the technicolor laser blasts, chain ganges, and foi-gras shortages of a hostile occupation, to protect ourselves with projects designed to bewilder rational thought and hence disable alien probes.

Much progress has been made on this front. Modern abstract art and media obsession with wardrobe malfunctions may have already saved countless lives. My intrepid new American/Irish joint effort “IRAIRS Recursive Acronym for IRS” (IRAIRS for short) is the next logical step in our global anti-logic campaign. The IRS has long provided the chaos of red-tape and capricious rule changes to the American economy, and it is known that all taxes are ultimately collected at the point of a gun. Now, for the first time, they can be collected at the point of improvised explosive devices (IRAIRSIEDs). Random kidnappings, explosions and assassinations, together with an updated program of vigilantly insane accounting practices, will deliver a powerful 1-2 psychological punch to any rational creature examining our world, providing crucial protection to our way of life.

Experts say the IRAIRS will also provide much-needed international legitimacy to what some see as heavy-handed, unliateral US attempts to preemptively combat hypothetical enemies from beyond known space. While critics have alleged that IRAIRS agents in the US under my plan will roam to and fro upon the surface of the Earth raping, pillaging, and attributing their own opinions to imaginary ‘experts’, in fact they will be carefully tracked and supervised by the IRAIRS ID Office (IRAIRSIDO). Any breech of regulations on their part will immediately be addressed by a joint IRAIRSIED/IRAIRSIDO task-force. Our very way of life depends on the precision irrationality of this plan, so if any part of it seems reasonable to you, please urge me to reconsider.

Today I think I will buy some chocolate stocks. In a sex and youth obsessed world, a combination aphrodisiac/hair-color product is can’t miss. Plus, the great advantage of chocolate stocks is that even if they wind up valueless, hey, free snack.

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes it is just a stranger; an alien you can sort of understand but never identify with.

I leave it as an exercise for the reader to categorize this one. Man endures thumb surgery to better enable iPhone use.

Really bizarre, but I kinda want to meet the guy.

UPDATE: The link in the original post was broken and has now been fixed. Also, the story turns out to have been a hoax, albeit a fairly clever one. Thanks to Dad for pointing out this oh-so-auspicious beginning to my linking career!